iamafruitcake

The right person??

I really dont know. That night i cried. is it real. will it last. eevrybody tell me its wrong. but i reallly dont knoww. it just feeels right. but how long willl this feeeling last. i dont know.

I dont know why i just feeel very very scared.

Im just confused i guess. i want to know if u are the right person but im afraid to find out that u are not the right one.

Confusinggg. seeems rreal but just tooo fast. hmmmmm

Okay nice ppl came over to crash today!! (: (: STUDY CAMPP YOO! hahaha

I shall not think about other things and just enjoy their compnay and study really hard! (:

hmmm too fast??

I wasnt thinking much last night. But today thinking back about it. Are we just friends?? hmmmmm

what was bothering u that time i really dont know. But it just feels good to be with you. I dont know if i really love u or not but what i can say is, my life in uni wouldnt be the same without you. (:

Lets take it slow and hope eevrything will turn out fine. i hope nth will happen and afffect us again.

Sorry causeof me u dont have enough sleeep again.

different now i guess. BACK TO SQUARE ONE. And am i supposed to work towards it again? hmmmm

Stranger-like after that night. hmmmmm. What happened i wanna know why. and things never evert turned out well before for me. and it always tries to screw me up near exams.

I dont know how to say all this to u. I know u will nv be able to see this post. but oh well should just post it.

Another sick weekend but it just feels different. i dont know why i will fall sick again but i know you might be one of the reason.

I dont understand what happened and i dont understand what is troubling you. I dont know what i can do and i dont know what i should do. i dont know if everything have changed already or it have not. i dont know if u feeel the same way as me now or what happened that night changed ur thoughts about us.

I dont know why ervything went so fast. i dont know why i will fall in love in u in such a short time span. i dont know why u are so nice to me doing all the things no one has done to me before. but i really dont know how u feeeel. I enjoy all the times we've spent tgt studying playing cooking and all the random walks. but what will u feeling when u did all those to me?? We acted like friends but i know we werent. those things u have done to me were tooo nice and sweet to be coming out from a friend. i know i haven done enough for u. im sorrry. nowadys dont really have much strength to do my own work and to care and love u.

U know i do feel that way but i just dont know how to express it. some stuffs happened and now i really dont know how to love someone. i dont dare to show it when i wanna tell u how much i appreciate the things u have done for me and how to tell u i feeel the same way too. I think and worry a lot. especailly about u. but i dont know if my way or woorrying will add on to ur troubles or not. U know though i act as if i dont care and scold u for no reason, i actually do care and worry about u a lot. Staying up from 2am to 7am to wait for u. then thinking about it for the whole day and simply cant concentrate during lessons cause of that night. and flaring up at u when u said u had smth on. i feel that u dont care and i feeel tired to care sooo much.

When u told me about ur past, i was really disappointed. i cannot do anything, i thought i will stop loving u cause of it. but i didnt. and that was the time i thought it was real. i thought i will be v disgusted and i wont even be able to accept u as a friend cause of that. how to love u with u having such a past. The night when u told me about it, i thought and thought about it foor so long. when we were resting and waiting for breakfast i didnt sleep even though i acted like i did, i was thinking. thinking about everything. the thought of ur past makes me scared and sad. ): But after that i realised that the feelings i have for u is the same. which scares me a little as i really dont know i really like u that much. hmmmmm. I never knew i really like u till that day. i kept asking myself if i can accept it. my brains said no but my heart just succumbed to it. ):

Hello you. i dont know what u are feeeling now. i cant wait to sit down and talk to u about this and play and study with u like before. i dont know if things are still the same now. i hope it will be. and i hope u are feeeling okay today. My heart always skip a beat when u do that thing to me..

I cant love u the way u want it. I cant treat u the way u want it. i cant give it whatever u want. i feel stressed that i really cant give u sooo much and will never be able to repay everything u ahve done for me. Do u still want to love me?

Cause u dont understand. i dont know how to tell u. i dont know how to explain to you. you must be wondering why am i always angry or why i always do funny things that u cannot understand. U dont bother to think it thru why i will feel that way. and u always think that things are soo simple and i become angry cause of minor little things. Will u bother to stop think and care? Why will i feel so angry? what do i mean to you? and do u know what u mean to me? how can u be so insensitive.

Sometimes i just wanna put u inside my pocket and eeverything will be alright....

Crazy crazy i must be crazzzyy.

HELLO IDIOT. I think im thinking of you now. ):

Why do i always have to wait. SUCKS.

Can i just keep walking and now its ur turn to wait!

Damn unlucky ystd. ): I had v bad sore eyes after the sp talk and initiation. ): eyes became damn damn red and painful. It was really painful during sp night. wanted to close my eyes so badly but i forced it open cause it was quite rude for me to close my eyes while talking to my sp.  So i forced it open thru the few hours and it worsen the condition i think.

The next day was really bad. my left eye was bright red please and it was damn painful and i couldnt open my eyes at all. ): then i went to see doc w daniel and got medication and stufffs. the doc told me to go hm and rest but i refused. too stubborn already. i really want to complete the camp.

Then went back to join my grp for AR. then i missed a step cause i couldnt see clearly and fell. It was damn damn painful that i cant control my tears. ): they sent me to A&E to do xray and stuffs . It was a bad sprain and had ligament torn too. ZZZ. I cried like mad after i knew it cause i feel so fucked up. ): 10 days before school reopen. i haave sooo much to do. ): all the cool plans i had v viv and ganther and meetups with all my lovely friends. bday parties.housewarming. crashing stef's hostel and many many more have to be canceled cause of my fucked up leg. how can it be sooo weak. ): PLEASE RECOVER ASAP SO I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. ):

i kept crying when i was at the A&E, in the car back to chalet and in the chalet. ): I was quite lost and angry and sad.): messaged that idiot but he didnt reply. having activities for camp too. when i was in a&e i was hoping that you will come over. hmmm confused.

sometimes i really wanna know how u feel. always hot and cold? what do i mean to you? dont you feel worried when u heard that i was in A&E? zzzz. whatever it is i was really disappointed that u didnt come or didnt reply or whatever. u were having camp i know but wont u feel worried or what. zzz. what am i to you? i didnt reply ur msg afterwards. i shall see when u will rmb me and msg me again. Im sick of always being the one to initiate. you are shy but so what. zzz.

whatever. im going to enjoy life now and ignore u idiot! 

my ankle is swollen now. ): so many things i wanna do but cant.

Sigh okay i shall stop thinking about the irritating stuffs and tell u all about camp! camp was fun before i sprained my ankle. ):

Love the ppl and everything! (: yay im going to stay v nice people for a year. (: although this camp was much slow moving than other camps i still enjoyed it! cause u have more time to interact with everybody! 

and my sp is a nice guy! had a great time talking to him! we were blindfolded at first when we talked. talked for like 2 hours? or slightly lesser? unlike other sp couples, we had a lot to talk about and no awkward silences! which was a good thing. haha. he was v guilty about his height and stuffs. damn cute ah. he is a damn sincere guy please.from his gift and eveyrthing he did. i feel so guilty cause my gift was damn cui. i didnt even wrap the gift or removed the tag. his gift for me was like damn nice, thoughtful and he even wrote a note and wrapped it up loh. ZZZ

then i was so guilty during sp night. should have save him from all the crap. ): it was peer pressure! haha. when he kneeled down and ask me to come up, i wanted to. but peer pressure told me not to. haha. 

haha. he was so cute when he wore the army uniform and i was quite angry and guilty when the seniors tekan him. ): had to drink that cup of zzz drink. haha. it was damn funny when he directly translate the eng song to chinese one. haha.he managed to find me through my coughing! lucky i had cough if not that blur king wont be able to identitfy me even with the descriptions. yupp then we went to walk walk talk talk. time passed damn quickly please. i reeally enjoyed talking to him! a nice guy! haha i have one year to talk and interact with him! he is like a cute little boy. he really do look like a pri sch kid. haha. i treat him like my little bro loh. haha. and it was damn funny when i tried to disturb him when he tried to memorise my number.

Okay i made up for it by buying him some cough lozengers. but cause of my leg i had to end camp earlier and didnt get a chance to pass it to him directly. told someone to help me pass it to him. haha

i was v v v scared last night. ystd i was left in the chalet alone when others were out. ): it was midnight please. ): i was so scared and i wanted to leave that place. i was so helpless. ): cause i cant move without their help so i will be a burden if i joined them. ): this morning too, i was left alone. so sad please. i was v v v scared. changi chalet please. damn big and scary and i was alone. okay whatever it is i want my leg to recover now! ):

hello idiot, im still waiting for ur sms!